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    Joshua Fineman - Healing with Men's Work (#028)

    Joshua Fineman, founder of Mensch, shares how men's work and male community create spaces for authentic connection and personal transformation, challenging the "lone wolf" mentality that keeps many men isolated and struggling.


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  • "It's about men coming together to grow and better themselves in a fellowship... going on a shared journey with other men who push each other and call each other forward to be better versions of themselves."

    - Joshua Fineman

  • Today's Guest

    JOSHUA FINEMAN

    Joshua Fineman is a father, husband, men’s coach and founder of Mensch-a dynamic community for men seeking more fulfilling lives. The pressures of being a man in todays world are very real, so through his 1-2-1 coaching and men’s group initiatives, Joshua is empowering men to grow, connect and live with more integrity.

     

    How to get in touch:

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  • Show Notes

    In this powerful episode, Joshua Fineman, founder of Mensch, shares his journey into facilitating men's work and the transformative power of male community. Drawing from his personal experience transitioning from running a creative agency to becoming a men's work facilitator, Joshua explains how regular gatherings of men create spaces for authentic connection, emotional expression, and personal growth.

     

    The conversation explores the unique challenges men face in modern society, particularly around emotional expression and seeking support. Joshua describes how men's work provides a structured, intentional environment where men can "take off their armor" - whether that armor manifests as aggression and standoffishness or people-pleasing and conflict avoidance.

     

    Through powerful examples and personal stories, Joshua illustrates how consistent participation in men's work leads to subtle but profound transformations in how men show up in their relationships, careers, and daily lives. He emphasizes that transformation isn't about dramatic changes but rather small, conscious choices that shift the trajectory of one's life "half a millimeter" at a time.

    Key Takeaways

    • Men's work provides an essential space for men to "take off their armor" and practice being their authentic selves
    • Transformation happens through small, conscious choices rather than dramatic changes
    • Regular commitment to personal growth work isn't just self-serving - it enables better service to family, community, and purpose
    • The "lone wolf" mentality prevalent in Western culture creates unnecessary suffering for men
    • Different men need different approaches to growth - some thrive in high-commitment group settings while others need more individual support
    • Creating intentional space for personal growth is not a "nice to have" but a responsibility to oneself and loved ones

  • What We Talked About

    • Joshua's journey from creative agency work to men's work
    • The structure and purpose of men's groups
    • Different approaches to men's work (from tribal/ceremonial to emotional intelligence-focused)
    • The importance of regular commitment and showing up
    • How men's work helps reprogram limiting social conditioning
    • The ripple effects of personal growth work on relationships
    • The value of community in personal transformation
    • Different ways to engage with men's work (events, groups, one-on-one coaching)

    Guest Quotes

    • "Coming into this community like Mensch, men are coming with like, 'I've been trying to do it all on my own for so long and it's exhausting.'"
    • "Your life is a cargo ship. And our objective here is to move the direction of that cargo ship by half a millimeter. Because where you're going to end up in 90 years is completely different."
    • "I'm not just doing this for myself... I'm doing this for the people and things I care about the most."
    • "The greatest men in the history of this world have had incredible men support them to get to where they are."
    • "When I look back over the last couple of years of being in this group... I'm not a different person... but my base, the foundation of who I am has risen dramatically from where it was."
    • "This isn't just a nice to have... we're at a time where this is a real responsibility."
    • "You arrive with this group of men. You're carrying on this like really heavy armor all day and it's an opportunity to just take that off and just learn what it's like to practice being yourself."
    • "For some men, the armor expresses itself in selfishness and anger, standoffishness... for others, it's being the nice guy, trying to please people, being the joker."
    • "It's about men coming together to grow and better themselves in a fellowship... going on a shared journey with other men who push each other and call each other forward to be better versions of themselves."

  • Resources to Learn More

    Mensch Community Programs - https://www.bemoremensch.com/

    • Regular community events (in-person)
    • Committed group work
    • One-on-one coaching
    • Retreats and experiences

    Men's Speak - https://www.menspeak.co.uk/

     

  • Terms & Tools to Dig Deeper

    • Armor: Metaphorical term for protective behaviors and personas that men develop
    • Base Level: Referenced concept about raising one's foundational way of being rather than dramatic transformation
    • Check-in Round: Structured sharing format where each participant answers three questions at the start of a session
    • Closing Round: Final sharing circle focused on feelings, acknowledgments, and intentions
    • Emotional Intelligence: The ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions in oneself and others
    • Fellowship: Concept of men supporting each other on a shared growth journey
    • Fixed Mindset: The belief that one's qualities are static and unchangeable
    • Grounding Exercise: Practice used at the start of sessions to help participants slow down and become present
    • Group Facilitation: The practice of holding space and guiding men through sharing and connection
    • Growth Mindset: The belief that one can develop and improve through effort and practice (referenced indirectly)
    • Holding Space: Practice of creating a safe, non-judgmental environment for others to share and process
    • Ice Plunge: Physical practice involving cold water immersion, part of Friday morning rituals
    • Lone Wolf Mentality: Belief system that men should handle everything independently
    • Men's Work: Structured group work focused on male personal growth and emotional development
    • Mensch: From Yiddish, meaning "person of integrity and honor"; also means "human" in German
    • One-on-One Coaching: Individual support offered alongside group work
    • Sacred Space: Intentional gathering environment where men can be vulnerable and authentic
    • Self-Awareness: The conscious knowledge of one's character, feelings, motives, and desires
    • Somatic Awareness: Attention to bodily sensations and feelings (referenced in discussion about feeling emotions)
    • Vulnerability: The quality of being open to emotional expression and authentic sharing

  • Read the Full Transcript

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